This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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