somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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