Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
