Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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