Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
