Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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