I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Im part way to drunk.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
