dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
