so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
