I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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