Pappa wants mamma naked
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
