Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
