It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we're making bets on your personal life
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
