I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
