It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
