I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
