it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize