I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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