Duck Duck Cougar?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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