her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
