you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
