you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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