What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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