either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So vagazzling was a success
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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