seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Randomize
