I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
