im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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