You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
