the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
