You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
