Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
FUCK WHALES
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
