After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
