last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
