Plan B is the new Plan A
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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