Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you had me at cake vodka
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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