I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
