Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
