I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
