was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
