if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
