nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
