Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
