I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Randomize
