Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
