im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
