We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
