can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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