We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
