Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
