in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
