She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
