He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
