Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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