NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
