I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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