ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you win again, gameday.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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