Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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