I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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