3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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