My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
