im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Less talking, more tequila
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
