i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
